Respond to Negativity with Kindness

A negative reaction is not something to be afraid of or to shy away from. Anger is often masking deep hurt or sadness. People need to talk to someone who is unoffendable and comfortable enough to listen through their struggles without judgement or opinion.

Anger is often masking deep hurt or sadness

Negative responses can often cause Christians to shy away from engaging in conversation. Conversely, others can feel that they need to face people head-on in arguments in order to bring truth. In our experience, neither approach works well.

Three things to keep in mind when responding to negativity:

1. Start with the end in mind

Welcome people with no agenda in mind. God can change the hardest of hearts. Proverbs 15:1 reminds us of that: ‘A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger’

2. Don’t fuel the fire

Sometimes there can be an onslaught of questions and it’s not helpful or necessary to answer them all. We usually navigate this by choosing one point that has been made that the Holy Spirit highlights then thank the individual for sharing their thoughts or acknowledge what they have said even if we don’t agree. It’s ok to suggest a truth, but at this point, it’s not helpful to tell people what we believe on the topic. Our team training includes taking time to look back on conversations and reflect on how conversations could have been handled differently: “I need to remind myself constantly that I don’t have a platform to speak into someone’s life until they feel listened to and valued.”

3. Engage in conversation with no strings attached

Be interested in the person and ask questions to get understanding. If someone is not open to talking, the best way to soften them is not through information but through kindness. When we started the Why God project in 2016 we saw only 1.6% of conversations with those who were closed/very closed move toward God. As our team was trained further in responding with kindness this moved to 5.7% in 2017. In 2020 we saw 16% of those who were ‘closed/very closed’ moving toward God. This is the result of training and Holy Spirit insight to get to the heart of the issue, rather than the issue itself. A good reminder from the team is, “Be kind. People can tell. And it will open doors and hearts.”